3 Days
by berenikee
Summary: What happens when SG-1 is forced to spend three days on a deserted planet as a part of an experiment. Jack is bored, Daniel stressed, Sam feels like teacher in a high school and Tealc, well Tealc is there too...
1. Day One

From the first moment I knew it was gonna be a disaster. Absolute disaster. Armageddon.

When general Hammond said they needed volunteers for experiment and nobody volunteered I knew things were gonna get ugly.

General then said three letters I was afraid I would hear. Yes, those. SG1.

No, don´t get me wrong, I really like my teammates, they are close to me as a family.

But spending 3 days with them on a deserted planet...Let´s just say that I would be more comfortable with pulling a tooth.

Without anesthesia.

Yes, even a trip there and the first day were bad. Colonel tried to think up 1000 1 ways how to torture Hammond.

I caught Daniel taking some pills, I think they were sedatives.

And Teal´c, well Teal´c is Teal´c. He just raised an eyebrow. That was all he said. As usual.

* * *

**DAY ONE**

"For Thor´s sake, why it is always us? What have we done to deserve this?"

"Sir, its just 3 days. They want to find out how the team members would interact when there is no danger situation and they can communicate just amongst themselves. Nothing serious can happen."

"If they don't kill each other."

"Nice catch Daniel, you're right. Anyway, which idiot would want to find out that?!"

"Ehm. I think I mentioned something about the experiment..."

"Carter!"

"...but it was supposed to be on the base, 24 hours in one room."

"Now I know why they didn't gave us guns."

"Come on Jack, calm down. Look, it's nice here, just the four of us, great scenery all around us..."

"My dream holidays..."

"...and they let us bring personal belongings, so everyone can hide in their tent and we don't have to see each other for the whole 3 days."

"Good idea. The planet is really big. Bigger than a room on the base. I'm going for a walk."

"Great. We are here just two hours and colonel is already pissed at me."

"Come on Sam, he'll get over it."

oOo

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"I don't mind being here."

"I bet that's not what you're gonna be saying in few hours. You know how is Colonel when he's bored."

"He'll find another object of interest."

"Maybe that object of interest will be you."

"You know, maybe it is better that he's pissed at you."

oOo

"Teal´c where did Daniel go?"

"O´Neill put signs on trees to show a way to the bathrooms. I think DanielJackson went there."

"Oh. Teal´c you know that after these 3 days we would have to write a report about the experiment?"

"Indeed."

"So, you don't mind being here?"

"I cannot see anything bad about it."

"Yet."

"You said something, MajorCarter?"

"Ehm, no. Nothing. Colonel!"

"Yes, Carter?"

"Are you still pissed?"

"Pissed?"

"Yes, are you?"

"Pissed about what?"

"That we are here."

"Here?"

"Yes sir! Here! On the planet! That we will be here whole 3 days! Sir."

"I don't think I'm the one pissed, Carter. Look at you."

oOo

"Oh, come on Carter. I'm not pissed. Happy? Maybe we should eat something. Everybody will pick a can and then guess what food it is."

"Jaaack!!"

"Hey, I recognize that voice. Oh, hello Daniel. What happened to you?"

"DanielJackson your feet are muddy."

"Jack! You did that intentionally."

"No, I did not."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Did not."

"Did."

"No."

"Yes."

"Again, what did I do?"

"Signs, which were supposed to point to toilet didn't point there. You changed them to point to the swamp!"

"Oh. This. Yeah, I did that."

"Why do you have to act like a child?"

"Who?"

"You!"

"Me?"

"Yes!"

"When?"

"Jack! Stop. I'm not talking to you anymore."

"Come on Daniel. What's with him."

"Sir, I think he didn't liked the excursion to the toilet."

"Oh. Than I'll change it."

"I'm going to do it, O´Neill."

"Thanks T. You don't have to, I would enjoyed it."

"I think Teal´c knows that, sir."

"So Carter, what will we do?"

"Do?"

"Yes, do. Make. Work. Create. Occupy hands and brain. Do something."

"Well sir, didn't you said in the morning that everyone would mind their own business?"

"I was pissed."

"Oh."

"And I'm not anymore."

"Oh."

"Forget it, Carter. Enjoy yourself."

"Yes sir."

oOo

"Hey, Teal´c. Buddy. Lets play baseball."

"Baseball?"

"Remember? Saw it on TV, you use a bat to hit a ball."

"Indeed."

"Okay. Now you throw ball at me. Ow!"

oOo

"Perfect Teal´c. Now if you're entertained enough... You throw ball at me - toward me, and I will hit it with a bat."

"Like this, O´Neill?"

"Fine, you're doing great. Do you wanna try hitting the ball?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Prepare yourself. I'm throwing ball."

DING. CRASH.

"Aaargh!"

"Teal´c, I think you hit something."

"Or someone."

"Jack! You did that intentionally!"

"No, I did not."

"Yes, you did."

"I didn't."

"Did too."

"Didn't we already had this conversation?."

"Jack, that ball broke a rare vase."

"Daniel, Teal´c hit that ball here. Why aren't you yelling at him?"

"Because I bet it's your fault he strike it here."

"Daniel?"

"What?"

"Why did you took a rare vase here?"

"The hieroglyphs on the vase are difficult to translate and I hoped that I would have a lot of time here to translate them."

"What's the problem?"

"Jack! The vase is broken!"

"Oh, I don't know Daniel. Shouldn't you be more careful around rare things?"

"_jackass_"

"I heard that Daniel. Teal´c, what do you say, few more balls?"

"I don't think so, O´Neill."

"I saw _that_, Daniel!"

oOo


	2. Day Two

General Hammond said that SG-1 will undergo experiment.

I am member of SG-1, so I spent 3 days on the planet with others.

I have nothing else to say, doctor.

O´Neill is a leader. Great warrior.

DanielJackson and MajorCarter are notable scientists.

I don't understand your question.

Yes, I think I had desire to sit on a cactus naked, rather than spend one more day there.

* * *

**DAY TWO**

"Daniel? Sorry, you don't have to jump 10 feet in the air. It's me, Sam. Did you see colonel?"

"Are you suicidal?"

"I just wanted to tell him that there's a lake few miles south of here."

"Eh?"

"So he can go fishing."

"Eh?"

"So he'll be away from us for few hours."

"Oh. Why didn't you said so?"

"Daniel, are you okay?"

"Great, fine, fine. Jack broke my vase yesterday, he put pepper in my breakfast and there are two whole days before me. I'm fine. Really great."

"Hm. Don't you think you are taking too many pills?"

"I think I'll go to tent and sleep for few hours."

"That will be good."

"Sam? Can I use your tent?"

"Why? What's with yours?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Does Colonel did something?"

"You bet."

"Oh."

oOo

"MajorCarter, where was DanielJackson running?"

"He needs a break."

"I had the impression that he is hiding from O´Neill."

"That's one of the possibilities."

"Shouldn't we fill in the test doctor gave us?"

"Well yes. But we should fill it together. Where is Colonel?"

"I saw him walking in south direction, saying something about fishing."

"Why didn't you joined him?"

"MajorCarter, I am bored, but not suicidal."

oOo

"Jack, can you please finish eating? How long does it take to eat yoghurt, anyway?"

"Calm down Danny, Carpe diem."

"You read that on a sticker?"

"Funny. Can we start?"

"Teal´c can you please bring the tests? They are in the backpack."

"Of course MajorCarter."

"Eh, sir, why are the papers scribbled?"

"I was bored. Yours the one with the pink dog."

"I thought it's a pig."

"Now I know what to draw you next."

"Eh. Can we start? There are few questions. Everybody will answer them and then we will discuss about them. It will help us to know something new about each other."

"Yeahsureyabetcha. Lets get it done."

oOo

"Eh. Sir, that blue thingy...eh, it's nice, but you were supposed to be writing answers."

"I done that."

"Well, it looks like you rather practiced vulgar words."

"I think it's an adequate answer to that question."

"Which question is that, O´Neill?"

"Eh. Can we start? Teal´c can you please read first question?"

"Of course MajorCarter. _Which team member you don't like and why?_"

"Colonel."

"Carter, I hope that's not your answer."

"Eh. No sir. i just thought you could start with answer."

"Daniel, stop giggling. Do I really have to answer that? Those questions are stupid."

"Sir, we should be able to tell each other things we would rather not know about."

"Right, and then kill each other."

"Or worse. Not talk to each other."

"You know what Daniel? I didn't wanted to answer, but I will. You, I don't like you. Your righteous behavior. Intellectual babbling. All the languages in the world. Your big blue eyes."

"Jack..."

"I got you! Ha, I didn't thought you would fall for this thing. You should see your face."

"You know Jack, sometimes you're really scary."

"You didn't thought I was serious, right? Those questions are absolutely stupid."

"Sir, it should unite the team."

"I think it's separating it. How did you answered number 9 - _If you would have to kill one of your teammates, who would it be_? And Daniel, you don't have to answer, you wrote my name with pretty big letters."

"You're right sir. So we'll throw away the test. Maybe that was the intention. That we'll agree that we shouldn't fight among ourselves."

"I would like to compare the answers to number 21 - _Who in team likes to torture other teammate?"_

"Daniel, there isn't such question."

"But there should be."

"Daniel?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"O´Neill, what we will do now?"

"We can play _Guess what's for diner_."

"I think I'll take a walk."

"Oh, come on Danny, don't be such killjoy. So, lets play something."

"Baseball?"

"That was good Teal´c."

"Jack, leave it to tomorrow. It's dark and I'm sleepy."

"Okay, Sleeping Beauty. Nighty night, may the fleas bite you all night. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Hey Teal´c, you staying?"

"Of course O´Neill."

"Carter?"

"Rather not sir. I'll gonna do some necessary things."

"Follow the signs Carter."

"I was talking about my make-up."

"O´Neill, you promised to teach me play poker."

"That's right, T. Prepare bucks, we're gonna spin it."

"I didn't know we would be dancing, O´Neill."

oOo

"Ehm..."

"Hm?"

"Ehm..Carter?"

"Yes sir. I'm sorry, did I woke you up?"

"This can sound like a totally stupid question, but do you know that you are sleeping in _my_ tent?"

"Yes sir."

"I just wanted to be sure you understand. You know, everybody, everyone of us here have their own tent. Isn't it fantastic? Everyone sleeps in their _own_ tent."

"Yes sir. But mine is occupied by Daniel. He sealed it and is refusing to let me in."

"Maybe if you were nicer..."

"You were saying?"

"I was just thinking aloud why is Daniel in your tent."

"Well, he wanted to take a nap there this afternoon, but I didn't know he would be also sleeping there this night. Besides, if you didn't do something to that tent..."

"Ah."

"What did you do anyway?"

"Eh. You don't wanna know."

oOo

"Ehm. Carter?"

"Sir?"

"That's the third time you kicked me in the leg."

"I'm sorry, there's so little space here."

"Because it's a tent for one. Why didn't you go to Teal´c?"

"I don't think that would be good idea."

"Ya think this is better?"

"Go to sleep sir."

"Right."

oOo

"Hey Carter. Are you sleeping?"

"You don't have to whisper sir, I'm awake now."

"Maybe the experiment wasn't such a bad idea. And there was one interesting question."

"I didn't think you read it all."

"It was the last one, number 20 - _Who would you date from SGC and why_?"

"Didn't you said those were stupid questions?"

"Others were. Except this one."

"I think all questions had something in them. They make you think..."

"Carter, you're evading the answer."

"I'm not evading."

"You're afraid to answer! I'm sure you have somebody on your mind."

"Okay, than. But you first, sir."

"E-e, Carter. Ladies first. Name would be fine. Or surname. Nickname. Phone number. If you don't wanna name anyone, just give me some clue."

"Okay, sir. It's a man."

"Funny Carter."

"Fine. He's older and sweet."

"Ohmygod. You wanna date Hammond!"

"Funny sir. And he's funny."

"Carter, I think it's somehow concerning me."

"Maybe sir, maybe."

"Maybe?.!"

"Goodnight."

"What?.! Hey, we're not done yet..."

"Maybe you shouldn't shout so much, you'll wake Teal´c and he will be curious what's happening here."

"Great then. We'll see tomorrow.

"Night."

"Night. You kicked me again."

"Sorry."

"At least stop tittering when you apologize."


	3. Day Three

You know, I like Sam, Teal´c, maybe even Jack.

But not too much. He decided to torture me for the whole 3 days.

Teal´c, it's good to be him. Nobody ever torture him. But even he looked happy on the last day when we were packing things that we are finally leaving Loonyville.

Yes, Sam was fine. Although she wasn't too happy when I refused to let her into her tent. But she slept in Jack´s.

I don't think anything happened. They are professionals, they know what they can and what they can't.

I mean, I _think _Jack is professional too.

Something it's difficult to be with him. It's even worse when he's bored. Bored Jack is worse than angry Jack.

Believe me, you wouldn't want to meet him like that.

What? What he did to my tent?

You don't wanna know.

* * *

**DAY THREE**

"Good morning, campers. Our last day on this forgotten planet. Back to Earth. Civilization. Simpsons..."

"Hot shower."

"Artifacts."

"Normal people."

"Hey! I heard that Teal´c!"

"O´Neill, you caught a fish."

"Nice catch T. Who want a bite?"

"I think I'll pass."

"Oh come on, Daniel, what's your problem?"

"I don't know, maybe it's the way it's looking at me with those three eyes or maybe it's the fur..."

"Nitpicker."

"Hey Carter, you wanna?"

"Uh, thank you, rather not."

"Why so sleepy? Tired from kicking my leg all night?"

"I'm sorry sir, I'm not used to sleep in such small space."

"Yeah, I noticed when I woke up and you were basically attached on me."

"You said something, Colonel?"

"Ehm...I think I'll let the fish go, it has many legs and it will probably head right home."

"Jack! You moved the signs again!"

"And?"

"Jack, stop acting like..."

CRASH

"Ow, my leg. Who put the backpack here?"

"Daniel! Look what you did!"

"I'm sorry Jack, I didn't see it. I'm really sorry."

"It's very important equipment!"

"Calm down Jack."

"How can I calm down? You completely broke it!"

"Jack, it's just a Gameboy."

"Just Gameboy? _Just_?! How would you feel if I called artifacts _just rocks_..."

"You're doing that."

"...or archeology _just fairytales_..."

"You're doing that too."

"...it's not _just_ Gameboy! It's a part of my life. For meditating. For relax."

"That device was very annoying."

"It's not right without sound, Teal´c."

"Uhm Jack, do you need professional help?"

"Funny Daniel. You did that intentionally, to have revenge!"

"I didn't Jack."

"You did Daniel."

"I did not."

"Did too!"

"But I really didn't mean to."

"Yes you did."

"No."

"Yes!"

"If I did that intentionally, I would say so."

"For real?"

"For real."

"You sure?"

"100 percent."

"Swear?"

"I swear."

"Really?"

"Jack, come on. I already said I'm sorry. For real."

"Okay, fine. I'll ask Carter if she's able to repair it. But if I were you, I would watch my back. Bye."

"Uhm Teal´c. You didn't happen to put the backpack there, did you?"

"Indeed DanielJackson. I was hoping something like this would happen. That sound was annoying."

"Oh. Look, would you mind being my bodyguard for today? You know, this is the last day here and I'm sure Jack planned something for us and I would love to see another day."

"Of course."

oOo

"Come on Carter. You have tools here."

"Yes, but not the necessary ones, only if you want to play it without sound."

"Okay, I'll wait."

"Ehm. Because Daniel still refuses to sleep in other than my tent, I asked Teal´c if he would give me his tent and he said yes..."

"Great."

"...so he'll be sleeping in your tent."

"What?!"

"Well, you _didn't _liked my kicking..."

"Come on Carter, I'll try to survive one more night with you."

"That's really _nice_ to hear sir. Maybe if you clean Daniel's tent..."

"Okay, I'll take care of it."

"Fine, sir."

"Where are the matches?"

"Matches?"

"Well, believe me, after I kick out the guests, it will be better to burn the tent."

"Ehm?"

"You don't wanna know."

oOo

"Jack! You're burning my tent!"

"Relax. It's much better now. Where were you hiding, anyway? It's almost lunch."

"Ehm. I was thinking..."

"Congratulations."

"You know, about me, and you..."

"What?"

"...about us. You know, when you said I have big blue eyes..."

"Daniel..."

"...I like yours better. They're brown, so nice..."

"Daniel, stop right where you are!"

"I was waiting to be alone with you..."

"And can you stop saying those things?"

"...one wouldn't believe how much time did it take on this big planet..."

"Daniel, stop! Stay where you are! Stop moving."

"...but finally, finally I can say to you..."

"Daniel, you're scaring me!"

"HA! You fail for it! Hurrah for me!"

"Okay Daniel, you got your five seconds of fame, now face the consequences."

"I don't think so Jack."

"Yeah? Who's gonna stop me? Eh, hi Teal´c."

"O´Neill, we have less than 24 hours ´til we leave this planet. DanielJackson is under my protection."

"Et tu, Brute?"

"I don't know anybody named Brute."

"Carter, stop sniggering. That's an order."

oOo

"Okay, no torture of Daniel, but I'm bored and when I'm bored..."

"We know sir, you're, uhm..."

"Insufferable? Obnoxious? Abominable? Annoying? Mean?"

"Thanks for your collaboration Daniel."

"So, what are we gonna play?"

"What about _Guess what I'm thinking_?"

"How can we know that O´Neill? We can not read minds."

"It's just a game T. Now pay attention, join us when you're ready."

"Okay Daniel, Carter. Guess what person I'm thinking about."

"It is a woman?"

"No."

"So it's a man?"

"Wow Daniel, your detective skills are shocking."

"Is he alive?"

"No."

"So he's dead."

"No."

"Sir, how come..."

"Jack, you have to decide, either he's alive or dead."

"Right. I would like to see you for example standing before Anubis telling his cape - _Look, either you are __ascended or not. You know, you have to decide. _- And no, it's not Anubis."

"Sir, you can't pick him.

"Anubis?"

"No, I know who you thinking about. And people don't pick these things because they cause situations like this. Misunderstandings."

"Carter, he's not a thing."

"It's a cartoon character."

"He's like a real person for some people."

"Usually, you pick people you know, or people who are famous or who achieved something. Nobody thinks of Homer Simpson as a hero figure."

"That hurts Carter. Really hurts."

"Sir, lets play something else."

"Okay, don't wait for invitation to Simpsons."

"This game does not make sense O´Neill."

oOo

"Hey, you're making campfire?"

"I have some marshmallows and bacon. We can barbecue."

"Great. I'll be right back."

"Isn't he suspiciously calm?"

"You are starting to sound paranoid Daniel."

"I think I'll gonna need 24 hour protection or mental specialist. And a room in madhouse."

"That is the standard procedure after experiment, DanielJackson?"

"Only with Jack O´Neill."

"Look what I found campers!"

"Where did you found beers?"

"In a backpack."

"Sir, I don't think it's a standard to include beers in backpacks."

"It should be. Come on, they said we could pack personal belongings. It's their fault that they didn't specified which and how many."

"You know Jack, it's astounding how you are able to adjust everything to suits you. Maybe you ought to be lawyer."

"Beer Daniel?"

"I shouldn't..."

"Come on, Look it's not open yet."

"Okay, but just one."

"Carter?"

"Thank you."

"Teal´c?"

"I do not have need to consume alcoholic beverages."

"Just for the taste."

"Indeed."

"Right, our last few hours. Isn't it great? It wasn't so bad."

"Talk for yourself."

"You said something Daniel?"

"Sir, you know that after this we will have to write a report and then there will be evaluation by psychologist?"

"Psychologist?! Nobody said anything about psycho!"

"They did. General Hammond explained everything in briefing. Remember, you were trying to solve that crossword."

"Geez, did I really had to pay attention to everything that was said there? It was even worse than yours and Daniels mumbo-jumbo. No offense."

"You know Jack, maybe if you didn't angered General, he wouldn't send _us_ here."

"So it's my fault?"

"Well, maybe if you whispered your question instead of yelling it, General wouldn't hear you, sir."

"Or if you haven't talked at all, Jack."

"I just asked which idiot agreed with such stupid experiment."

"I think that General took it quite well, considering he was that idiot, sir."

"Okay, so it´s my fault. Happy y´all? And I bought y´all beer. I'll remember that. And Carter, next time when you'll have an idea for an experiment - leave it to yourself, okay?"

"Yes sir. But you had fun, right?"

"Carter, I had only one beer, I'm not answering that question yet. Anybody for a second round of beers?"

oOo

"...and than the chieftain came out of a second tent, absolutely drunk and totally naked. And he said something like - that's not horse, that's a cow!"

"Nice Daniel. Why don't you tell stories like this?"

"You know, meeting new cultures isn't every time like you use to say - boring. Funny and interesting stories happened many times I traveled."

"But you don't tell them. Are you afraid you are gonna loose your reputation as a boring archeologist?"

"I feel sarcasm in your tone."

"I smell alcohol in your breath."

"O´Neill. I think I'm going to rest."

"I told you not to drink so much."

"You were giving me one after another, O´Neill. Goodnight everybody."

"It's nearly morning. Hm, one would think he would last much longer..."

"We all drank too much, sir."

"Not me, not me, me...hic."

"Danny, Danny, Danny. Geez, how can you be totally drunk after two beers?"

"Simply. I'll show you. hic"

"Let go of that beer Daniel. Should I help you to get to the tent?"

"hic, I don't think so, Jack. Only if you were pretty young lady. hic. And you're not the first one, nor the second, hic, nor third, fourth..."

"Carter, do you think he'll find a way?"

"Who?"

"Daniel."

"Oh. Maybe. Why? Did he left already?"

"Look at you Carter. Drunk too much?"

"Stop smirking sir. I'm just a little... Besides, you drank most of it, how come you're not...damn, what's the word?"

"Sober?"

"Yeah."

"No idea. Practice? Or maybe because I had only one beer and then I drank only mineral water."

"Hey! You deceived us! No, you intoxicate us!"

"Nice catch."

"Stop smirking at me. Daniel was right..."

"Eh, Carter? You're gonna finish that sentence?"

"What?"

"Your sentence. You know, the one you started."

"Eh? Oh. Daniel said you planned something and I said that he's just paranoid. And I thought I know you."

"Come on Carter. All of you suffered enough. I just wanted you to have fun and relax. You're saying that you didn't have fun? Daniel told some good stories, remind me to tell them at SGC."

"Yes sir, maybe we should go to sleep, we'll leaving in few hours."

"Great idea Carter."

"I have only those."

"Hm, somebody's humble."

"And somebody's ironic."

"Maybe we should have campfires more often."

"Or spend time on deserted planet."

"Yeah, maybe I'll propose it to Hammond. Another experiment."

"Maybe just with half of team."

"Carter, you have a bright career ahead of you."

"How can you be sure I was thinking also about you?"

"Who else would you thought of?"

"Who is humble now, right?"

"Our tent. And last night."

"Uhm."

"Ladies first."

"You know Colonel. I can't figure you out. Sometimes you are gentleman..."

"I know."

"...and other times you're, well..."

"Sweet?"

"Well. if you want. I'm lost for words."

"That's miracle Carter."

"Good night Colonel."

"Good night to you too."

oOo

"Ehm, Carter. You kicked me again."

oOo

* * *

I think it was quite good excursion. Sorry, experiment.

I know I was against...

I didn't used those words. Okay, maybe I did. Anyway, when I found out about it, I wanted to kill the leading idiot.

Oh, that's you?

Daniel? Well, Daniel is fine. For a torture object. Sometimes it's unbelievable how naive he is.

Carter was kicking me all night, do you really thing something happened between us?

Teal´c? Do I need more words?

They said that? I realize that sometimes I can be a pain in the mikta, and you can say what you want but they don't hate me.

You know what? You're lucky to have these two bodyguards here to protect you.

Because if they weren't here, something could happen...

Are you asking what could happen?

You don't wanna know.

THE END


End file.
